Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can...
And the patience not to choke the crap out of people who try to offer me a cigarette, knowingly or not, after I start taking the above pictured medication to quit smoking, a nasty habit that I've willingly permitted myself to take part in since early 2000.
I've been mildly successful at quitting three times and all three times it was militarily related. I quit for nearly 6 months while in boot camp and training at Fort Jackson, SC. I somehow managed to start again. I quit while in Uzbekistan for almost 3 months. I started again. And, then finally, while in Afghanistan for about a month. I starte...you get the picture.
I've never been successful because I never truly wanted to quit until now. I've always attempted to stop based on outside influences. I've never, until now, wanted to quit for me.
I love my wife, my son, my friends, my family and I've always felt obligated to quit for them. As much as I love my wife and son, if this is not a testament to the addiction of nicotine, then I don't know what is. The addiction has always been stronger than my desire to quit for my family.
That's sad, frustrating, and inexcusable. I've often made the joke that I would have preferred to have started shooting heroin rather than smoking. I can't imagine anything being more addictive than this.
I will be successful this time. I will quit for good and I'll never start back. I've done that too many times and it's harder to "quit again" under those circumstances. Once I've had that last cigarette, it's over. I wish I had been the type of person back then that I am now. I wish I could have been headstrong enough to say no to begin with.
Please be patient with me as I work out these personal demons. I may disappear from time to time. I'll do whatever I have to do to insure success.
Oh, and yes, I have a beard now too. Just thought I would go ahead and answer that question before it pops up.
Wish me luck!